Top 10 “Dumbest” Things Said by Christians

Found this great (and sobering) list on “The View From Marrs” blog. Enjoy. It’s a little scary. The “dumbest” moniker is mine.

A friend and I were discussing some of the outrageous things we have had said to us over our years in ministry. Some were quite humorous, while some were a little alarming. Anyway, this got me thinking of some of the most incredible things I have had Christian people say to me over the years. After pondering this for some time, I decided to put together a top ten list. Everything on the list is true and was actually said to me, face to face, by a “Christ loving” Christian man or woman. It OK to laugh, it helps fight back the tears.

In no particular order:

10. “We have spent our whole lives trying to protect our children from this kind of secular garbage. We entrust you with our kids and you fill them with this? I can not believe that you would let our son watch this. Sports are vile, aggressive and promote competition among God’s people.”

Said to me by a father after his 16-year-old son watched a college football game at my house.

9. “Well your communion is not valid in the eyes of Christ. It is merely a Sunday snack, a disgraceful mocking of what our Lord did on the cross.”

Said to me by another pastor upon finding out our church auditorium did not have the communion elements displayed on a table up front that said, “Do this in remembrance of Me.”

8. “You know that you have never really worshiped God. Christ has not ever been present in your worship services.”

Same person different conversation. This time he was mad because our church did not do a call to worship at the beginning of our service.

7. “How dare you try and bully my daughter. We have be preparing and planning her future for years and I am not going to let you persuade her away from our plans. I could have you fired for this.”

Said to me by an elder at our church when I talked to his daughter about not going to a state university to study biology, but to go to a Christian college and be a missionary. She felt it was what God was calling her to do. Dad did not. Dad won.

6. “Las Vegas is sin city. Christians have no place being anywhere near that town. Jesus would not be caught dead there.”

Said to me by another pastor at a national pastor’s convention when he found out I ministered at a church in Las Vegas.

5. “Pastors shouldn’t need help. If they are truly following the will of God and trusting in Him then they will not grow tired, frustrated or have problems with people in their congregations. Pastors that are having problems should not be in ministry in the first place.”

One of many similar anonymous emails I have received through Higher Ministries.

4. “You need to be the parent in this situation. I can’t handle it anymore. I need you to be the parent.”

Another elder of our church as he dropped his son off at my house unannounced after being suspended from school.

3. “Marriage, especially when you are in ministry, is not about love. It is about finding a partner. The love always goes away; you need someone who will make a good partner in ministry and in life.”

Said to Rebecca and me one month before our wedding by another pastor I worked with when I asked him for his best advice on managing marriage and ministry.

2. “What are you complaining about? You just got to go away for two weeks of camp.”

I know anyone in student ministry has heard that before, but this was said to me in staff meeting by another pastor on staff! We were talking about how long it had been since we had a vacation and how tired and emotionally spent we were. She seriously thought that my week with 80 high schoolers followed by a week with 30 middle schoolers was a relaxing vacation!

1. “That baptism was not valid in the eyes of God because it was not done in a church baptistry.”

Said to me by another pastor when I was telling the story of baptizing someone in the Pacific Ocean. I asked him what church baptistery Jesus was baptized in. He did not think I was funny.

Honorable Mention:

“If my son grows up to be a homosexual I am holding you personally responsible.”

This one did not make the list because it was not said directly to me, but I was there! The person I was interning for mooned a couple of our high school students at camp. Mom did not get the joke. She actually called a lawyer. Trust me nobody is turning gay after looking at his rear.

That’s my list. So many more resurfaced in my mind as I was putting this together. I am sure that many of you have similar stories and I would love to hear them. Post a reply, maybe we will give out an award to the best one.

Got anything to add to the list?


2 Responses

  1. These are some of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.

  2. And that’s why we don’t have elders…

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