Find Out Your Eschatological View… Online

If, like me, you’ve always wondered exactly where you can place yourself along the crazy continuum of eschatological views, now you can know definitively how little you really know. Just take the “What’s your eschatology?” quiz. Here are my results. I’m a amillenialist, but I could’ve told you that.

Eschatology Quiz



More Rapture Stuff from Randy Bonifield

This is a funny follow-up story to the song by Randy Bonifield, who wrote “Left Behind: The Rapture Song.”

I came home from junior high school (that’s what we used to call it back then) to a home that usually held a greeting from my mom as I would enter. This particular day, however, there was no greeting. Thinking nothing of it, I took my school stuff and put it in my room and came out hoping mom was just in the kitchen getting me some sort of great after school snack. I entered the kitchen only to find mom wasn’t there.

I began to call out for her – searching each of the upstairs rooms, calling her name as I entered each but around every corner…no mom. Little by little my voice rose in volume and pitch as I began to wonder if the rapture had come and I’d been left behind.


She wasn’t outside.


She wasn’t in the garage.


I couldn’t find her. I’d been left behind. Then, in a shriek that can only be emitted by a pre-pubescent middle school boy, I screamed.


“WHAT!” came a voice from downstairs. It was my mother. She had been doing the laundry in the back room of the basement.

“What is WRONG with you?”

“Nothing.” I said.

We had cheese puffs.

Good stuff.

Left Behind: The Rapture Song

Randy Bonifield, a really good songwriter and pianist, recently wrote and played this awesome song about his previous end times learning experiences. This is from his blog, where he’s posted the video: Left Behind: The Rapture Song. He wrote it as an intro to a sermon. When he talks about “Tom” at the end, he’s referring to the senior minister who is about to speak on Daniel.

Good stuff. Accurately captures for me what it was like to be a young Christian kid who, like we all did back then, got both excited and freaked out about Revelation and Jesus coming back. Wouldn’t trade that childhood for anything. We rarefied postmodern Christians could stand to experience some jitters about the Kingdom Cause now and again.

Barbie Princess Movies and Eschatological Storytelling

Barbie Nutcracker DVD CoverOkay, hifalutin’ title, but serious point.

If you have a young daughter, it is almost axiomatic today that she (and, therefore, you) has (have) watched the ubiquitous Barbie Princess movies. I have occasionally found myself, or rather, “caught” myself, singing Disney and Barbie songs to myself for days at a time. Y’know, that recurring ditty that nags and nags!? (I’ve learned, incidentally, that I have to occasionally intentionally choose a new song. Of late, my songs of choice are Negro spirituals… “De-ep river, my home is o-ver Jordan!”)

Anyway, we recently watched Barbie in the Nutcracker and I noticed a phenomenon we could call the Beauty and the Beast ending. It harkens to that scene at the end where the Beast is transformed from a ghastly… uh… beast to a young, blond-haired, strapping prince. The castle and surrounding world are reborn. Even the anthropomorphic kitchenware are human again.

The resolution to the conflict in Barbie, like Beauty and the Beast, is almost always a redemptive return to the world’s in-the-garden state. (And no, I don’t mean New Jersey.) When the spell is broken, bones are recast, leaves return to green, birds sing, and love is in the air. Barbie has at last found her prince and all is well with the world.

It’s eschatological. And the Barbie folks have rediscovered the formula for engaging my daughter. I mean, she’s watching this and vicariously experiencing not just romantic warm fuzzies but her soul’s desire for restoration. It’s straight out of Ezekiel 37:

(5) “Thus says the Lord God to these bones: ‘Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. (6) And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord.'”

It’s dry bones being restored to life. A world with evil enchantresses and imprisoning spells is reinvigorated with hope and love. Creation is freed to live and act as intended. And my daughter can’t get enough of it. Over and over again.

Even though they don’t explicitly name it theologically, the movie makers are onto something. Something big. The hope of God’s redemption of the world is exciting. Not just for me, but even for a 5-year-old watching a Barbie princess story.

Pot Pourri

I haven’t been too hot with writing meaningful theological stuff of late (“Or ever, Scott.” Thanks for the good word inner voice of reason.) I’ve got a couple thoughts percolating… brewing… fermenting… like Eschatological Story-Telling in Barbie Princess Movies… But, in keeping with my ADDness that I like to keep hidden from public view, I’m gonna keep right on providing randomness… and lots of ellipses…

I’ve recently begun using an awesome creative thinking, note-taking, outlining, mind mapping, snippet-keeping program called Curio by Zengobi. I’ve been experimenting with mind mapping for sermon-writing and general thinking and creativity help, which led me to Curio. Gotta say, this is great stuff. Tons of really cool features, all integrated, in typical Mac OS style. It’s fun when you come across things that work as they’re intended and whose depth and structure ‘seem’ to grow as we use them more (i.e., we realize the truth of their depth.) It’s a theological experience. (And, I have the Pro version, which costs $150. HOWEVER, I got Curio 3, their previous version, free last Fall during a giveaway they were having to promote it, AND I emailed them and convinced them that, since churches are non-profits just like other 501(c)(3) organizations, i.e., schools, they should give me the academic upgrade, AND because I had $50 in PayPal from selling a $6 domain name… it was free. I’m so proud.) Seriously, the folks at Zengobi are doing good work worthy of recognition (by my 5 regular readers, probably almost all of whom don’t care.)

I played with the iPhone for about a good 15 minutes when I was waiting at the Apple store last week. That thing is one of the finest examples I’ve seen of a beautiful mix of form and function. Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if we read about it being exhibited in MoMA (which is so ‘cool’ its url doesn’t need “www”) or something like that. Some insider(ish) scoop… A lady was in the store who works for AT&T and she says that everyone has one there (AT&T) and they all work flawlessly (except hers, which is why she was there.)