“All things excellent are both difficult and rare”

Spinoza was onto something, I think. And it seems especially germane today. I’m amazed at how often I find myself wondering, “Certainly there is an easier or faster way to do this.” Now, it’s not like I have good reason to think that in those particular circumstances, and I’m aware that efficiency and progress can be important values, but when it’s just a general assumption about how life should be easier in an advanced and technologically drunk society like ours, uh… something’s wrong. And I think it affects our assumptions about spiritual growth and church ministry. Certainly we can just buy something or start a program or make our website to be a little more 2.0… Yeah, I don’t think so. There’s no easy way to memorize Scripture and get it into your head and heart. There’s no substitute for flat-out praying with God. Why should we expect a fast track to an excellent relationship with God?! We are talking about the unfathomable, perfectly holy God of the Universe. Easy? Not so much.


Anti-Windoze Computer Joke

Bill Gates with BSoD in BackgroundThis anti-Windoze joke and other variations have made the rounds before, but I thought I’d share a good forward I recently got (which I’m sure is completely untrue except for the comparison Bill Gates.) As a Mac user, I love these jokes (even though they’re less true than they used to be).

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

“If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash… twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road or changed the speed limit, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.
  6. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
  7. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  8. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  9. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
  10. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

Preach it, GM. Preach it. All this Windoze bashing reminds me of a classic clip when Bill Gates was introducing “Plug & Play” functionality in Win98 and the Blue Screen of Death (BSoD for the nerds) reared its ugly head. Here are some BSoD haikus. Good stuff. It’s amazing how much anti-technology animosity is out there. You could waste a lot of time doing nothing but looking up hilarious anti-computer stuff online. Speaking of which, I’m done with jokes for awhile.

Naming Cell Phones

Cool Tech PatternWith all the marketing infrastructure of huge telecommunications conglomerates, why in the world has it taken until now for them to find out it’s a good idea to give cell phones cool names? Instead of SMG-1042XR, they’re giving them names like “Blackjack” and “Chocolate.” This isn’t anything revolutionary or particularly creative, but how in the world did it take years for companies to start increasing their phones’ cool factor by assigning unique names? Granted, phones have been fairly cookie cutter until the last 2 years or so, but, seriously, how did they not see that until now?! Just an interesting question.